Break-ups suck.


There's no way around it. I mean, they're not fun in any way, but at least sometimes when you know it's truly for the better, than it just doesn't seem like such a big deal. People sometimes don't work out. Sometimes we just don't fit together, or we grow apart and you just hit that crossroads...and you know it's done. And sometimes people change their mind about what they want in life, and I get that. I do it all the time! Every new bend and twist in life brings about new challenges, new friends, new activities...and I've always been someone who's up for a new adventure. Hell, moving back and forth from LA, and school, and now Nashville has all just been because I love that sense of adventure and the thought of a new place with new faces and new things always appeals to me. But, what happens when a break up actually gets to you? Or in this case, actually gets to me?

And, I've never been so torn up by a break-up before. Why does this one bother me so much? Why do I feel like I lost something big here? I'm still trying to figure that part out...

Did I let someone in too far? In too deep? Maybe I got in over my head, and I'm struggling to get out. It's just all confusing to me.

My heart and my head are disagreeing right now. My head knows, this is smart, this is best, and distance and time will heal the pain and sadness and better days are ahead. My head also knows that for us to have any chance of anything in the future, this needs to happen NOW. But my heart is fighting my head to all end. My heart...my heart tells me that it's wrong not to see you. My heart tugs on me to call you, talk to you, to see you. It's hard! I want to take you in my arms, and kiss you, and hold you, fall asleep in your arms again. UGH!

And I'm mad at myself. But I shouldn't be. I let someone in, and that made me vulnerable. Becasue if I had never let you in, than you couldn't hurt me. But I did...and I got hurt. So now what? Am I supposed to let go and just act like it all meant nothing? Because I can't do that. Do I hope that someday things will work out? I don't want to have false hope. I do know, that I would love for us to move past this, and someday reconnect-as friends, or as more-that I don't know yet. But what I do know, is that watching you walk away from me and our life together hurt me more than I ever thought I could even possibly hurt.

So, at the end of the day...what was it all for? Was it worth it? If letting someone in, and loving someone ends up with pain in the end, than why bother? If you can spend so much time with one person, love them, become best friends, lean on one another, trust one another, have more fun together than with anyone else, share so much of your lives together, care so much, and still end up losing it all one day, than I can't help but wonder...

...is it all worth it?