I have a secret.
But I think you know what it is...
It hurts me everyday
But makes me smile all the same.
Do you see it?
Or should I continue to work to keep it?
Friday, October 30, 2009
change
change
"change doesn't happen in your comfort zone."
i find this true. you must push yourself, challenge yourself, and dare to go beyond anywhere you've gone before. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we change and grow. it's how we learn what we are truly capable of. and all that we can do-in life, at work, in relationships-every aspect of our lives. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we learn about who we really are.
so, if you constantly sit in your comfort zone and never take any chances, how do you expect there to ever be change?
"change doesn't happen in your comfort zone."
i find this true. you must push yourself, challenge yourself, and dare to go beyond anywhere you've gone before. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we change and grow. it's how we learn what we are truly capable of. and all that we can do-in life, at work, in relationships-every aspect of our lives. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we learn about who we really are.
so, if you constantly sit in your comfort zone and never take any chances, how do you expect there to ever be change?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Drowning Completely
Drowning Completely
When I start to cry
you start to laugh
We say, "I love you"
then take it all back
You hate me, then
You kiss me
Drowning complete
What to do...
When I say I need to go
You beg me to stay
pull me in
Then push me away
Fragile then careless
bending to break
Drowning completely
Oh what to do
what to do...
Cause it's you
and it's me
drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely
We fight like it's a sport
make love like the devil
Hold on too tight
But it's too much to handle
You need me, I want you
Both walk away
done completely
Oh what to do
what to do...
Cause it's you
and it's me
Drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely
you and me
we're
done completely
When I start to cry
you start to laugh
We say, "I love you"
then take it all back
You hate me, then
You kiss me
Drowning complete
What to do...
When I say I need to go
You beg me to stay
pull me in
Then push me away
Fragile then careless
bending to break
Drowning completely
Oh what to do
what to do...
Cause it's you
and it's me
drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely
We fight like it's a sport
make love like the devil
Hold on too tight
But it's too much to handle
You need me, I want you
Both walk away
done completely
Oh what to do
what to do...
Cause it's you
and it's me
Drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely
you and me
we're
done completely
True Love.
Cheesy, I know. But to me, this song is true love. Matt Nathanson is amazing. His songs are so powerful and true, I wish I'd written them. This is my favorite of his. :)
Illusions
By Matt Nathanson
I believe in your strength
Though I understand you've felt alone
Cause when you need a friend
There's no one strong to fall back on
and your past will still burden you
But I'll hold you through the pain
So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
I believe in your words and your eyes
And when you speak of your dreams
-I realize
that I will envy whoever you
give your heart to
So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
And I will never let you fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
for all you are
And all that you will be
So in the end, it's not just you
With your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
How beautiful you are
Illusions
By Matt Nathanson
I believe in your strength
Though I understand you've felt alone
Cause when you need a friend
There's no one strong to fall back on
and your past will still burden you
But I'll hold you through the pain
So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
I believe in your words and your eyes
And when you speak of your dreams
-I realize
that I will envy whoever you
give your heart to
So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
And I will never let you fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
for all you are
And all that you will be
So in the end, it's not just you
With your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are
How beautiful you are
When we were young...
Think back.
I remember, when I was about 5 years old, my family was in Florida staying at my grandparents house. I was lying in bed, crying. My mom came in to see me. I told her, I had dreams to perform. (I was 5 or 6 years old. Why the hell did I use the word 'perform'??) I told her I wanted to put on shows for people and hear them clap at the end. She told me, "You can be whatever you want to be...when you grow up."
I remember I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to do then, as a child. Yet, at the same time, my parents instilled the same belief in me that ALL parents tell their children. The belief that you can be whatever or whomever you want to be when you grow up.
So, as children we have all these dreams. Tons of dreams! I know I sure did.
I remember wanting to write children's books and illustrate them myself. I wrote book after book, and bound them with cardboard covers. Then, I thought I'd be a painter. I destroyed our kitchen table with my acrylics and watercolors. I usually got more paint on the table then the canvas!
Next, I decided I was going to be a teacher. Which was followed by an astronaut. Then, I was going to be an actress. On broadway. Then, I was to be a dancer, and pranced around my house in a tutu my mom made for me. Even though I had never taken dance before in my life and was about as graceful as Bambi, I was convinced I could do it!
Then, I wanted to be a meteorologist. And then I was back to being a writer again. Only this time, I wanted to pen the great American novel and write screenplays on the side. I would then decide I wanted to be a movie producer. Then, for a brief moment in middle school, I thought I wanted to be a pro soccer player. Then I wanted to move to Egypt and study the ancient Egyptians. I had a fascination with Egypt. I still do.
Next, I thought I'd be an architect. I love traveling and studying achritecture. This turned into a dream of going into interior design. Then, a clothing designer.
In high school, I dated a guy who told me I should follow my passion for music. On a trip to Colorado, he and I decided I would be a country singer. Haha. Then, that path turned into a dream to be a songwriter. Songwriting turned into poetry. Me, a poet?! And back into songs again. Through out the years, I filled journal after journal with pages of nonsense, scribbles, words, and sketches. Few made sense to others, some I still don't understand, but those pages were always there for me to get everything out. I still write in a journal regularly. But now, it's not for the hopes of someday publishing it all...no. Now, it's just for a sole purpose of my soul. To clear things out. Whether they make sense or not!
And one of my latest entries, simply stated: "What happens to those dreams we had as children?"
I had dreams. Hopes. As a child, I pictured myself in a certain way when I thought about being an adult. I thought about how I'd look, and what I'd do. Who I'd spend my time with and what type of person I'd be. As a child, I was told I could do anything I wanted and could be anything I wanted to be. And I believed it! I thought that I held the world in the palm of my hand. That anything, and EVERYTHING was possible. I thought that as long as I did what was in my heart, my dreams would all fall into place.
But, as I grew older, sensibility and logic took over my dreams. Doing what was practical took over following passion, and my direction began to float away from all those dreams.
As children, we are taught that anything is possible. Then, somewhere along the way, we shift on to paths to become accountants, teachers, and lawyers. Things that make us prosper and practical. We go to college and study business or science. We no longer hold tight to the dreams we had as children. We graduate, get daily routine jobs, work long hours in jobs we hate, and lose sight of all the things we wanted as a child that made us so bright and hopeful. The things that made us unique. The dreams and hopes that made me, ME.
So, when does it become all about making a living and no longer about what makes us happy? Do we naturally let go of those childish dreams? Or does society condition us to believe that anything and everything really ISN'T possible? Is it symptoms of fairytales gone wrong? Or is it that only a few of us really have the strength to beat the odds and do what truly will make us happy?
Do dreams really come true?
I remember, when I was about 5 years old, my family was in Florida staying at my grandparents house. I was lying in bed, crying. My mom came in to see me. I told her, I had dreams to perform. (I was 5 or 6 years old. Why the hell did I use the word 'perform'??) I told her I wanted to put on shows for people and hear them clap at the end. She told me, "You can be whatever you want to be...when you grow up."
I remember I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to do then, as a child. Yet, at the same time, my parents instilled the same belief in me that ALL parents tell their children. The belief that you can be whatever or whomever you want to be when you grow up.
So, as children we have all these dreams. Tons of dreams! I know I sure did.
I remember wanting to write children's books and illustrate them myself. I wrote book after book, and bound them with cardboard covers. Then, I thought I'd be a painter. I destroyed our kitchen table with my acrylics and watercolors. I usually got more paint on the table then the canvas!
Next, I decided I was going to be a teacher. Which was followed by an astronaut. Then, I was going to be an actress. On broadway. Then, I was to be a dancer, and pranced around my house in a tutu my mom made for me. Even though I had never taken dance before in my life and was about as graceful as Bambi, I was convinced I could do it!
Then, I wanted to be a meteorologist. And then I was back to being a writer again. Only this time, I wanted to pen the great American novel and write screenplays on the side. I would then decide I wanted to be a movie producer. Then, for a brief moment in middle school, I thought I wanted to be a pro soccer player. Then I wanted to move to Egypt and study the ancient Egyptians. I had a fascination with Egypt. I still do.
Next, I thought I'd be an architect. I love traveling and studying achritecture. This turned into a dream of going into interior design. Then, a clothing designer.
In high school, I dated a guy who told me I should follow my passion for music. On a trip to Colorado, he and I decided I would be a country singer. Haha. Then, that path turned into a dream to be a songwriter. Songwriting turned into poetry. Me, a poet?! And back into songs again. Through out the years, I filled journal after journal with pages of nonsense, scribbles, words, and sketches. Few made sense to others, some I still don't understand, but those pages were always there for me to get everything out. I still write in a journal regularly. But now, it's not for the hopes of someday publishing it all...no. Now, it's just for a sole purpose of my soul. To clear things out. Whether they make sense or not!
And one of my latest entries, simply stated: "What happens to those dreams we had as children?"
I had dreams. Hopes. As a child, I pictured myself in a certain way when I thought about being an adult. I thought about how I'd look, and what I'd do. Who I'd spend my time with and what type of person I'd be. As a child, I was told I could do anything I wanted and could be anything I wanted to be. And I believed it! I thought that I held the world in the palm of my hand. That anything, and EVERYTHING was possible. I thought that as long as I did what was in my heart, my dreams would all fall into place.
But, as I grew older, sensibility and logic took over my dreams. Doing what was practical took over following passion, and my direction began to float away from all those dreams.
As children, we are taught that anything is possible. Then, somewhere along the way, we shift on to paths to become accountants, teachers, and lawyers. Things that make us prosper and practical. We go to college and study business or science. We no longer hold tight to the dreams we had as children. We graduate, get daily routine jobs, work long hours in jobs we hate, and lose sight of all the things we wanted as a child that made us so bright and hopeful. The things that made us unique. The dreams and hopes that made me, ME.
So, when does it become all about making a living and no longer about what makes us happy? Do we naturally let go of those childish dreams? Or does society condition us to believe that anything and everything really ISN'T possible? Is it symptoms of fairytales gone wrong? Or is it that only a few of us really have the strength to beat the odds and do what truly will make us happy?
Do dreams really come true?
update
Wow. I haven't been on here in a WHILE! Good thing I don't have any followers... :)
Things are changing. Yet, the more they change, the more things all feel the same sometimes. This summer and fall flew by in a whirlwind. In the blink of an eye, months passed and here I am. In the same place I fear to be.
However, things have been good! I said goodbye to an old love that moved on in a hurried pace. I had an old love rekindled, just to burn out all over again. Will it light again?!?
My family is still strewn across the plains, and we lost my grandfather a few weeks ago. It was sad and upsetting, as any death is. But when one has been living confined and uphappy, sometimes it's a step in the right direction when they leave us and move on to a more spiritual world. My grandfather had been severly depressed ever since my grandmother died when I was in high school. The weird thing? They both passed on my dad's birthday. hum. It makes you think a little bit about how we are all connected somehow.
I lost my job in September. About 80 of us were laid off that day. It was rough. We made the best of it, and celebrated that night. "To new beginnings!" we toasted. Yet, I feel stuck. Unable to find work in this city, my optimisim and bright demeanor are starting to fizzle. But I know things will fall into place. They will. THEY WILL!
You, know, sometimes I lie in bed at night and I think to myself. I think, "when you were little is this what you wanted? Is this what you thought life would be like?"
And that brings me to my next post....
Things are changing. Yet, the more they change, the more things all feel the same sometimes. This summer and fall flew by in a whirlwind. In the blink of an eye, months passed and here I am. In the same place I fear to be.
However, things have been good! I said goodbye to an old love that moved on in a hurried pace. I had an old love rekindled, just to burn out all over again. Will it light again?!?
My family is still strewn across the plains, and we lost my grandfather a few weeks ago. It was sad and upsetting, as any death is. But when one has been living confined and uphappy, sometimes it's a step in the right direction when they leave us and move on to a more spiritual world. My grandfather had been severly depressed ever since my grandmother died when I was in high school. The weird thing? They both passed on my dad's birthday. hum. It makes you think a little bit about how we are all connected somehow.
I lost my job in September. About 80 of us were laid off that day. It was rough. We made the best of it, and celebrated that night. "To new beginnings!" we toasted. Yet, I feel stuck. Unable to find work in this city, my optimisim and bright demeanor are starting to fizzle. But I know things will fall into place. They will. THEY WILL!
You, know, sometimes I lie in bed at night and I think to myself. I think, "when you were little is this what you wanted? Is this what you thought life would be like?"
And that brings me to my next post....
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