My love, My Enemy

I can't fake kiss you,
although I've tried.
You lean in,
I close my eyes.
Too many times,
in this same place with you.
Over and over I fall
just to get torn apart
You find another
but it never works out.
And to my dismay,
I am there to catch you.
You'll never love me
Not the way I want,
Not the way I deserve,
Not the way I love you.
Everytime I am strong
Strong enough to tell you No
You come back
telling me everything
I've been yearning to hear...
Roping me in,
Knowing I can't resist you.
I am not strong enough
To walk away and never look back.
I need you to be strong for me too.
But not the way you think.
So listen carefully,

If you don't want me for always and always,
Please, will you please,
just let me go?

Play safe...

I am the expert at playing it safe.

Don't get me wrong. I have taken risks in my life. Big ones. But they have been few and far between. I moved to LA. I moved back to Lexington to finish school. I moved back to LA. I moved to Nashville. But in school, I stayed on track with something I just happened to be good at instead of with something I was passionate about. But I have this nagging feeling inside of me. A lot of the time. Much more than I'd like to admit. It's always there... The feeling that I haven't taken enough risks.

When is something worth the risk? If you get what you want?! Then, it definitely seems worth it. On the other hand, sometimes what we think we wanted turns out completely different than we thought it would be, and we realize we truly wanted something else. Or, is a risk worth it when you don't get what you want, but you learn something else about yourself? Or is that just failure in disguise? Or is the risk always worth it?

"If you don't take risks, you'll end up a wasted soul." ~Drew Barrymore

Ok, Ok. Celebrity quotes are lame. I know. I'm a little ashamed to even post that. But this one struck a chord with me.

Sometimes, I feel like I was meant for something more. Sometimes, I feel like I know exactly what step I'm supposed to take next, where I'm supposed to end up, what adventures I'm to take, who I'm supposed to end up with, and what shape my life is to take. Yet, there are so many risks involved to end up on this path. To take that next step I feel is right for me, is huge. It's a huge change, a huge risk and a chance for failing miserably. It's a move, a big move, where I'd have to make a new life for myself. Or to take another step and stay here. That's a risk as well. I'd be missing out on a huge opportunity elsewhere, but at the same time there is something here that I have had dreams about since I was a little kid. So, would moving away mean I would be risking never reaching that dream?

How do we know before we jump if the fall is worth it or not? Sometimes we will have a smooth sailing ride with soft landing. Other times, we will crash and burn. Hardcore. So, before we jump, we weigh our options, try to look at outcomes objectively, and then decide if the fall will be worth it? Or even after arguing both sides, do we really have a chance of predicting our landing? Is it better to make the decision in the moment and pray for the best?

With not working right now, I feel like in some ways I have many more options than I have every had before. I can move. I can find a new job in a different field. I can go back to school without feeling nearly as guilty about leaving work. I can take my life in a totally different direction. But there is a certain amount of risk involved in all of those choices. They all mean leaving things, people, places behind. Is that worth the risk?

Secret

I have a secret.
But I think you know what it is...
It hurts me everyday
But makes me smile all the same.
Do you see it?
Or should I continue to work to keep it?

change

change

"change doesn't happen in your comfort zone."

i find this true. you must push yourself, challenge yourself, and dare to go beyond anywhere you've gone before. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we change and grow. it's how we learn what we are truly capable of. and all that we can do-in life, at work, in relationships-every aspect of our lives. stepping outside our comfort zone is how we learn about who we really are.

so, if you constantly sit in your comfort zone and never take any chances, how do you expect there to ever be change?

Drowning Completely

Drowning Completely

When I start to cry
you start to laugh
We say, "I love you"
then take it all back
You hate me, then
You kiss me
Drowning complete
What to do...

When I say I need to go
You beg me to stay
pull me in
Then push me away
Fragile then careless
bending to break
Drowning completely
Oh what to do
what to do...

Cause it's you
and it's me
drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely

We fight like it's a sport
make love like the devil
Hold on too tight
But it's too much to handle
You need me, I want you
Both walk away
done completely
Oh what to do
what to do...

Cause it's you
and it's me
Drowning completely
it's you and it's me
drowning completely
you and me
we're
done completely

True Love.

Cheesy, I know. But to me, this song is true love. Matt Nathanson is amazing. His songs are so powerful and true, I wish I'd written them. This is my favorite of his. :)

Illusions
By Matt Nathanson

I believe in your strength
Though I understand you've felt alone
Cause when you need a friend
There's no one strong to fall back on
and your past will still burden you
But I'll hold you through the pain

So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are

I believe in your words and your eyes
And when you speak of your dreams
-I realize
that I will envy whoever you
give your heart to

So in the end it's not just you
with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are

And I will never let you fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
for all you are
And all that you will be

So in the end, it's not just you
With your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget
how beautiful you are

How beautiful you are

you have seen me at my rock bottom,
my absolute worst
you loved me then

now, i want you to see me
at my best

could you love me now, too?

When we were young...

Think back.

I remember, when I was about 5 years old, my family was in Florida staying at my grandparents house. I was lying in bed, crying. My mom came in to see me. I told her, I had dreams to perform. (I was 5 or 6 years old. Why the hell did I use the word 'perform'??) I told her I wanted to put on shows for people and hear them clap at the end. She told me, "You can be whatever you want to be...when you grow up."

I remember I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to do then, as a child. Yet, at the same time, my parents instilled the same belief in me that ALL parents tell their children. The belief that you can be whatever or whomever you want to be when you grow up.

So, as children we have all these dreams. Tons of dreams! I know I sure did.

I remember wanting to write children's books and illustrate them myself. I wrote book after book, and bound them with cardboard covers. Then, I thought I'd be a painter. I destroyed our kitchen table with my acrylics and watercolors. I usually got more paint on the table then the canvas!

Next, I decided I was going to be a teacher. Which was followed by an astronaut. Then, I was going to be an actress. On broadway. Then, I was to be a dancer, and pranced around my house in a tutu my mom made for me. Even though I had never taken dance before in my life and was about as graceful as Bambi, I was convinced I could do it!

Then, I wanted to be a meteorologist. And then I was back to being a writer again. Only this time, I wanted to pen the great American novel and write screenplays on the side. I would then decide I wanted to be a movie producer. Then, for a brief moment in middle school, I thought I wanted to be a pro soccer player. Then I wanted to move to Egypt and study the ancient Egyptians. I had a fascination with Egypt. I still do.

Next, I thought I'd be an architect. I love traveling and studying achritecture. This turned into a dream of going into interior design. Then, a clothing designer.

In high school, I dated a guy who told me I should follow my passion for music. On a trip to Colorado, he and I decided I would be a country singer. Haha. Then, that path turned into a dream to be a songwriter. Songwriting turned into poetry. Me, a poet?! And back into songs again. Through out the years, I filled journal after journal with pages of nonsense, scribbles, words, and sketches. Few made sense to others, some I still don't understand, but those pages were always there for me to get everything out. I still write in a journal regularly. But now, it's not for the hopes of someday publishing it all...no. Now, it's just for a sole purpose of my soul. To clear things out. Whether they make sense or not!

And one of my latest entries, simply stated: "What happens to those dreams we had as children?"

I had dreams. Hopes. As a child, I pictured myself in a certain way when I thought about being an adult. I thought about how I'd look, and what I'd do. Who I'd spend my time with and what type of person I'd be. As a child, I was told I could do anything I wanted and could be anything I wanted to be. And I believed it! I thought that I held the world in the palm of my hand. That anything, and EVERYTHING was possible. I thought that as long as I did what was in my heart, my dreams would all fall into place.

But, as I grew older, sensibility and logic took over my dreams. Doing what was practical took over following passion, and my direction began to float away from all those dreams.

As children, we are taught that anything is possible. Then, somewhere along the way, we shift on to paths to become accountants, teachers, and lawyers. Things that make us prosper and practical. We go to college and study business or science. We no longer hold tight to the dreams we had as children. We graduate, get daily routine jobs, work long hours in jobs we hate, and lose sight of all the things we wanted as a child that made us so bright and hopeful. The things that made us unique. The dreams and hopes that made me, ME.

So, when does it become all about making a living and no longer about what makes us happy? Do we naturally let go of those childish dreams? Or does society condition us to believe that anything and everything really ISN'T possible? Is it symptoms of fairytales gone wrong? Or is it that only a few of us really have the strength to beat the odds and do what truly will make us happy?

Do dreams really come true?

update

Wow. I haven't been on here in a WHILE! Good thing I don't have any followers... :)

Things are changing. Yet, the more they change, the more things all feel the same sometimes. This summer and fall flew by in a whirlwind. In the blink of an eye, months passed and here I am. In the same place I fear to be.

However, things have been good! I said goodbye to an old love that moved on in a hurried pace. I had an old love rekindled, just to burn out all over again. Will it light again?!?

My family is still strewn across the plains, and we lost my grandfather a few weeks ago. It was sad and upsetting, as any death is. But when one has been living confined and uphappy, sometimes it's a step in the right direction when they leave us and move on to a more spiritual world. My grandfather had been severly depressed ever since my grandmother died when I was in high school. The weird thing? They both passed on my dad's birthday. hum. It makes you think a little bit about how we are all connected somehow.

I lost my job in September. About 80 of us were laid off that day. It was rough. We made the best of it, and celebrated that night. "To new beginnings!" we toasted. Yet, I feel stuck. Unable to find work in this city, my optimisim and bright demeanor are starting to fizzle. But I know things will fall into place. They will. THEY WILL!

You, know, sometimes I lie in bed at night and I think to myself. I think, "when you were little is this what you wanted? Is this what you thought life would be like?"

And that brings me to my next post....

ew ew ew.

So, I wrote Missy this morning about my night last night. She thought my story was hilarious and entertaining despite my fear and troubles. Thought I would just pass it on to you all, to bring a smile to your face, and remind you why you should be glad you are not me. :)



A horrible thing happened last night.

I went to bed. I couldn't sleep, and got up to pee. There was something dark on my bathroom floor-I turn the light on. It's a spider bigger than a quarter. OH NO. So, you know me, I'm freaking out. I hate spiders. With a passion. A daddy long leg can on the floor can have me up on the counter, screaming in terror. My friends and family have found this hilarious throughout the years. But mom bought me this HUGE thing of bug killer with a gun on it that you can shoot a bug with from a mile away. So, I go and get it, and put my tennis shoes on. I'm in my underwear and a tank top, so this is a funny sight as is. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in this ridiculous outfit with my frazzled night hair-it's wasn't pretty. It's midnight-remember this. I get back in the bathroom. Even Zoey won't go near this spider. Normally, she chases them and tries to eat them. Weirdo. Why would anything willingly chase a spider?! Anyways, I'm even more freaked because not even Zoey wants to approach this monster. So, I get a safe distance away, plant my feet, take aim, get ready and FIRE!!! I spray the FUCK out of this spider. I mean, this amount of chemical should have killed anything! And to my HORROR, it's a mommy spider. Tons of little freakin creeeeeeepy baby spiders start crawling all over my bathroom floor! TONS OF THEM. And I swear to you, they could smell my fear. I almost fainted I was so freaked out. It was a scene of out a horror film to me. I had tears streaming down my face, and I was screaming at them like a deranged psychopath-"Die fuckers!!! DIE ALL OF YOU! Creepy little bastards!!!!!" After what felt like an hour, I thought I got them all, and I stopped spraying. Then, some of them started to crawl again. So, I fired back up my chemical gun and sprayed again! I eventually sprayed so much of the bug killer that there was puddle covering my entire bathroom floor. I just stood there in a sea of floating spiders. EW. I then had to mop up the whole floor with what seemed like a billion dead spider on it. UGH. Grossesst thing ever! (It still gives me the creeps.) I carefully cleaned it all up (I used about a roll and a half of paper towels)...I had to have it set up perfectly to where my hand never touched one of those little 8 legged bastards...there had to be plenty of towel in between the gross crawler and my hand! Once it was all disposed of and out of my house, I showered. Exhausted, I then, I tried to go back to bed. It's after 1am at this point. I have to be up at 5:30am. Needless to say, however, I was too freaked to sleep. Anytime I shut my eyes, I thought something was crawling on me and I would flail around in my bed!!! Then, I would lay there, and think that any dark spot in my room or any shadow was the spider's family coming for me to get their revenge. Irritated and completely freaked out, I turned on my lights, grabbed my TV, and the movie 27 dresses. I put the movie in thinking it would calm me down enough so I could sleep. Nope. I watched the movie. Twice. Wide awake. Since at this time it was almost 6am anyway, I just got up, showered again, and got ready for work. It sucks because I have a 12 hour day today at work and got zero sleep. I still feel like things are crawling all over me, even though I'm just sitting at my desk at work. I wrote my apartment manager a letter about expecting an exterminator to come to my infested apartment!!! I have to say, this incident was NOT good for my already intensely insane arachnophobia. BLAHHH! Ugh.

Don't ever make children try on clothes in the living room when they are 6 years old while the adults watch the movie Arachnophobia. When they grow up, they will end up like me. I blame you, mom!!! :)

I make mistakes.
I know this, believe me.
And you point them out to me.
But you,
You make mistakes, too.
And I understand.
I'm not perfect,
-neither are you.
And we're not always perfect together.
The smile that creeps on to my face when you around, though?
Now that's perfect!

irritated...with myself.

i have to say, i do try to learn from my mistakes. but sometimes...i really am just a special kind of idiot.

if anyone has actually read this blog, they would know that a few months ago, someone very close to me walked out of life. you know how they say that when one door closes, another one opens? this is very true!

after all that happened, someone from my past reached out to me. i have cared about this person for years, and it was amazing when they popped back in my life. they lifted my heart up, helped me get back on my feet, and really stood by me while i learned how to be myself again. i spent a few weeks with them, and it was the most fun i have had in a really long time! what a great new door that had opened for me!

yet, my dumbass slammed that door shut too. after a few weeks, i made a BIG mistake. this person reached out to me, spilled out their feelings, gave me a chance, and i shut them down. hardcore. after taking some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings, i realized i wanted to take a chance. and once i realized this, i reached out and tried to rectify my mistake. but to them, it no longer mattered. when i slammed that door shut on them, another one opened for them...and they didn't look back to me. not once. :(

i'm so irritated with myself. why can't i ever just go for it? take a chance when it's there in front of me? once again, i hesitated, got scared and let a great opportunity and person slip through the cracks. and i have no one to blame but myself. fucking sucks.

I broke us.

To be honest, I have a pattern. And not a good one...no matter how hard I try not to run, I seem to do it over and over again. I'm doing it now...and no one is stopping me this time.

I BROKE US

I always seem to say the wrong thing
I offend you, and you walk away
A fault, another 'lost one'
Words refuse to become screened in
and blocked from the wind.
I feel like an idiot.
but now I forgot what is was
That I meant to say.
Can't defend my words
out of your or my mouth
Just "a phrase"? Three words really...
no, too many words to say,
or to take away.
They broke me,
and I broke you.
I tore myself away from
the one thing
that meant
everything.




And the worst part is, I love you.

I have a new love. No, not a boyfriend! No, I am reviving my love for John Mayer. I adored him after I saw him at Riverstages years and years ago, before Room for Squares came out. Then, a show in Louisville had me hooked. But then, I have this weird thing, that when someone gets really mainstream and popular, I tend not to like them anymore. Odd? I don't know. So, I wasn't a big fan for a while. But a friend of mine recently introduced me to the John Mayer Trio, and I'm hooked! It's John Mayer, but better! And I'm in love. I listened to it non-stop today. And it's made it a grrrreat day, despite the rain in Ft. Lauderdale! :)

John Mayer Trio, TRY! ...I promise you'll love it!

YOU

If you promise to be gentle and kind
I will work on not pushing you away...but I can't make promises.

You know how I am, you know how I run.
The words you say are everything I want to hear...
...in another time and place, another day.

I'll work with you...if you stand by me.
Patience, to hold on if you can

With a minute to breathe,
I can be my whole self again

You'll see.
You'll be there with me.

:)

lately

It's been a while since I visited! There's been so much going on...Here's a taste.


The past few months have been a whirl wind! First, Whit came down for a while. Then, Missy and Brad were here for a week. The next week Susan and Chris came in from LA. We tripped it out to Memphis, met up with some friends, and explored the craziness of Beale Street. Then, I was off to BG for Easter with the Walkers. Then, there was the CMM. I only did the half, but about mile 10 I ran into an old friend, Ellen, whom I had gone through sorority rush with at UK! Crazy enough, we ran for a bit together, catching up. So random!

Then it was off to Louisville for Derby. The Kentucky derby was an experience! I loved it and I am already planning on going back next year. It was great seeing the 127B girls again, and there was the nice surprise of Boo$ and the ATL crowd all being there as well. :) Reunion reunion! After Derby is back to Nash for a bit, but then I turned around, and left to meet a friend in Atlanta to head down to Florida baby! St. George Island was a great retreat. Quiet and empty, it felt like we had our own little beach. And Zoey and Zabba were enough free entertainment to keep us occupied.

Leaving FL was hard, but this past weekend showed me it's nice to be home! Friends from Louisville and Atlanta collided again at my house and the weekend was Crrrrazy! :) Now, a few days of work, then off to ATL again for Memorial day. Awesomeness.

It's insane how once on thing starts to come together, everything else just falls into place. I feel like that's what the past 2 months have been. It just goes to show, that sometimes, things HAVE to fall apart in order to come back together. And I'm doing it. Better than I imagined! :)

Next week: ATL
30th: Muddy Buddy/Leave for FT Lauderdale with BGHS
6/6: Back to reality, but Coldplay will keep me rocking!

Dreams, contd.

Okay...

So after I wrote that last entry, I got a humorous post from a friend on facebook. Apparently, she had a dream about me back in my old neighborhood in BG. I was having a yard sale, I was pregnant, and moving back in with my parents. Grrrrreat.

So, some dreams, I would love to come true! Ashley's, however, I pray never does! :)

Do you ever have a dream that seems so real, that when you wake up you feel like it just happened yesterday?

I had a dream like that last night. It freaked me out a little because it was so real! It was about someone from my past. The last time I saw this person, things were awkward and uncomfortable and full of bad feelings. Not at all a reflection on the friendship that we had built. But in my dream, I was hanging out with this person like we did in the old days...talking, and laughing a lot! The sun was shining, and we were at a park, although I didn't recognize the exact place. I can remember almost the entire conversation. We talked about building a bridge to repair our bond, shared stories about what we'd been up to, talked about our families, and sarted to bond all over again. Then, when we went to leave, we hugged, and I woke up. I could feel the hug, and even smell my friend. It was real, it creeped me out. But, in my dream we talked through the issues we had been having, and it made me feel like there is still hope to fix things of the past in real life.

After I woke up, I went for a good, long run and then to the Y for a workout. The entire time, I couldn't get that dream out of my head. Something so simple, yet it meant so much to me. It was about a conversation, a moment, that I have wanted so badly to have in real life. It made me start to wonder...can dreams show you how you things could have been? Or should have been? Or what about maybe giving you a glimpse into the future?! All I know is that if dreams mean anything, or can come true, this simple dream becoming reality could bring a peace of mind to me that I haven't had for months. So maybe, just maybe, dreams really can come true. :)

Just BE

Be strong
Be strong-willed and
be strong hearted.
In your weaknesses,
find your strengths.
Use them!
Reap the benefits
of all your strengths.
And never let Anyone
take them away from you
Be strong in following
your dreams
and your path
Be strong in your gains
And be strong enough to admit your mistakes.
Then, be strong enough to correct them.
Be strong in every aspect
but don't ever let strength
become a weakness.
And, always, always, be the strongest
version of yourself.



~Some of the best advice I've received. :)

Flushed Down

A look back at a poem I wrote my junior year of high school...haha, oh the days...



Flushed Down


At 17, depressed
Dreams aren't within my reach
And I am told
they never will be.

I stand, alone
on my own two feet
About to fall,
unsteady.
I raise my head to the black sky
shuddering
screaming for
someone to help me
someone to comfort me
someone to lead me
someone to love me.

There are two parents
Her-I love.
Yet, she wants me to be what I am not.
Him-I hate.
More concerned with masturbation than communication.
Bruises and scars on the heart and physical body
are all I have.

All of the pain chokes me in bed at night.
I always pray for tomorrow to be better.

Yet, it may never come.



This was written like I said, my junior year of high school after we had a bad family incident. It goes to show that everything impacts you more than you think...

Dreams

You know,

saying, "Follow your dreams,"

is easier said than done.



Dreaming a dream,

having drempt a dream,

all your life

That's the easy part.



Sacrifice,

Drive,

Confidence,

Strong-will.

I search for these.



Hoping your dreams will one day just fall in your lap

1 in a million

Making dreams happen,

better possibility,

but is still rare.

Where to begin?

What to do?

It's hard to know.

I think dreams should come with an instruction manual!! :)

For thought...

Love for Enemies

27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.32 “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.35 “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.Do Not Judge Others37 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”Luke 6:27-38

ooh, ooh
come on come on
ooh ooh
come on come on
you have got to move on
this is not the you i know
this isn't real
it's just all you can feel
and that's the way that feelings go
and whether or not it's right or wrong
you'll do what you will do
but when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
its just a storm you're braving well
don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone
cause we all need saving sometimes
say what you will
but the time that we fill
while we are on the Earth
should not be alone
we were meant to be known
you make me what i'm worth
but i can't keep you from yourself
you'll do what you will do
when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
it's just a storm you're braving well
don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
cause we all need saving
and i don't know
why it has to be this way
and i don't knowthe cure
but please believe someone else
has felt this before
when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
it's just a storm you're braving well
don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
cause we all need saving
we all need saving sometimes sometimes


Heard this song today...and it spoke to me! I hope you all look it up and listen to it!

Lies.



One thing I don't understand at all is, Why do people feel the need to lie? Is the truth that much worse? I would rather know the truth the first time around than to be lied to and then discover the truth later on.



and is twisting the truth as bad as lying? I think so.



In a relationship, people put a big value on honesty. I heard a funny statistic on the radio the other morning. Guys lie on average 7x on a first date. 7 times! So, when it comes to relationships, is there ever really any hope if this is how we start out?!



For instance, when boundary lines in a relationship turn gray and things have no longer become defined as black and white, then the truth becomes shady as well. And now in this gray area, we have all sorts of problems.

So, can people just be honest with one another? Or is there a time where honesty really isn't the best policy? OR is being brutally honest just as bad as lying? Especially when the truth hurts. Hum...random thoughts of the day.

Bricks.

The thoughts in my head
make no sense
Without direction
Only jealousy
holds true.
This isn't what I came here for
Depth drowns me
Shallowness
he has shown me.
time for this
to come
As a faulter
not an ending.
It's not like you
didn't know
I loved you.
But
what closed eyes
missed
an open heart
Felt.
Bricks.
Only bricks.

Another chapter closes

There's almost nothing more disappointing when someone turns out to be nothing like you thought they were. You can spend everyday with someone, and they can still turn on you. I hope I have never done that to anyone! That's not a good thing.

Maybe I'm naive. Or gullible. But I tend to believe what people tell me. If someone says they care, I believe they care. If they say they will take time to get over you, I believe that they will respect you enough to do so. If someone says "I love you" I believe them. Then, to turn around and have them say, "Why would you have believed me when I said that?!" Are you kidding me? Who does that?

I am honestly starting to feel like I might lose faith in people. I have been trying so hard not to lose my faith. To not lose my trust. To not put up walls. But sometimes...it gets to be too much.



For you...

To leave this tired place
I am tired
and you are the face.
Miss the little things-you say? Ha.
Go for it...
And try...
To Remember.

I fell asleep with you and dreamt, but you woke with her and lived.
My scent erased by her hair
My voice unheard over hers
My touch vanished by her hands
My smile shadowed by her gaze.
Go for it...
And try...
To Remember.

For years I dreaded moments, change
The times and scenes where
everything else mattered.
Go for it...
And try...
To Rememb...

Wait-
A character in a movie
once gave you a glance back,
but reality hovered by your side.
The hourglass has turned.
Go for it...
and try...
To Remem...

You say you tried
But months without you really there?
Thousands of hours passed by...
Not even a few could be spared?
Go for it...
And try...
To Reme...

A year from now my name will
No longer be known by your lips
My face only a blurred vision of
A once past childlike dream.
Go for it...
And try...
To Re...

What we said nothing could change
Was changed by you, and you alone.
You say it was changed by me, but I told you how I felt.
My world would have been happy,
But you removed yourself, I did not push you out.

Go for it...
And try...
To...

Remember who?
What are you talking about?
Those words you say are untrue,
I know not of who you speak of.
Meet the future, Face to face.
I once believed you.
I once believed IN you.
My father,
My family,
Even some friends,
Let me down.
A best friend?
What's that mean to you?
Not you.
Now you've let me down, too.

I believed you were different,
I believed you were true.
I believed everything,
just because you were YOU.

Now?
Empty handed.
Empty hearted as well.
With nothing to show,
And no story to tell.
There is no happy ending
Only heartache and sadness.
No re-takes or repeats
Do-overs or more chances
There is no happy ending-you see?
You said so yourself.

GO FOR IT...
AND TRY...
TO REMEMBER.

You can't.
And you won't.

But I remember all too well.

"We must learn to act in spite of our fears, not because of them."

The scarier something seems, the more meaningful it could be.

I'm scared to let people in...but when I do, it's a beautiful thing.

I fear failure...but there is no such thing. Just many different ways of reaching new outcomes.

I am scared to take a path that I have been constantly told is not for me...but the more I veer off in my own direction, the happier I have become.

What do you fear?

Surprise!

Life is full of surprises. You never know when you meet someone if or how they might impact your life. Some people come and go in a moments passing...others are by your side for life. And then there are some people that walked with you for a while, fall away, and then someday reach out and are right there with you again. It's amazing!

Everyone in my life knows what I'm going through right now. And, even though that doesn't make the pain go away, it's good to know that there are some people that will be there for you, no matter how many miles away they are. A person who impacted me greatly a few years back reached out to me again this weekend. (You know who you are...and you're probably reading this :) And I am extremely grateful to have you in my life. I know that things happen for a reason. I've always been a believer in that. I believe that God puts certain people in your life for certain reasons. To learn compassion, to learn about hope, to learn about faith, and some people are put there to show you how to love. I also know that I am strong, stubborn, and determined. These traits always get me through the rough patches. So, bottom line? I have faith that this too shall pass. And someday I will look back and understand all the reasons why it happened and be grateful for the lessons I take away from it. I already have learned a few big things from it...

~When you have someone wonderful in your life, tell them what they mean to you while they are there. Don't just assume they know. Sometimes, they don't feel it unless you make it clear. Show them that they are your best friend while they are next to you. If you don't, they will walk away to find someone who does all the little things that you were too blind to do-someone that will show them how special and important they are to them.

~Don't over analyze everything. I do this too often. Take things for what they are and work with them.

~Live in the moment more. I'm not saying be stupid. I'm saying, when you're happy, just be! When you let go, and quit thinking about it all, things happen organically. And usually, when things aren't forced or overly processed, they turn out just like you wanted them to. This goes back to the over analyzing that's constantly in my head.

~Listen. Listen. Listen. So many times we talk with out saying anything. Listen more. When someone is talking to you, look at them. Don't just listen with your ears. Listen with your heart. Don't just be thinking of what you'll say next. Just listen.

~Don't take people or chances for granted. If you get a chance at something you want, go for it. If someone is in your life and you are grateful for them, tell them. Don't hesitate and don't worry. There have been too many times in my life I was too cautious because I was afraid of getting hurt. Or I thought the walls around me would tumble down if I jumped in. I played it safe and stayed wishy-washy when I should have made it clear what I wanted.

~I also learned to not lose hope. Don't lose faith in others.

A few other people that had disappeared from my life back in school, reappeared out of the blue. Someone in my past who hurt me very badly back in the day, called me up this fall (it'd been years since we had talked) and apologized for the hurt that they had caused me. And a few years ago, an old roommate that I had in college reached out and apologized for a falling out we had back in school. We cried and laughed together, and caught up on one another's lives. It was wonderful! Did either of those apologies right the past? No. But it showed me that people learn and grow from their mistakes. And both of those apologies meant the world to me. It showed me that even though those people might not be in my life now the way they used to, we impact one another. We grew up together. And now all the hard feelings of our mistakes in the past melted away so the happy memories remain. So, just because someone walks away now in life, it doesn't mean they are gone forever. Chances are, if you think of them someday with a big fat smile on your face, they've done the same. Does that mean people always come back to you? No. Sometimes goodbye means just that. I'm just saying that second chances do happen, even if rare. And for now on, I'm going to make the best of each chance I get...first chance or second.

But back to my friend. Thank you for reaching out to me. It's greatly appreciated. I know now, I am not alone. It's also good to know that with years past, you are still here for me. And I hope you know, I am still here for you. :)

DOG DAYS

As most of you know, I have a cute mutt named Zoey. Lately, Zoey has been really good, so instead of being in her kennel all day, I have been able to leave her out in the apartment when I'm gone. Zoey is an adorable little thing. Her puppy eyes melt my heart. Well, after yesterday, I'm not sure about what goes on in her mind! I think she wants to leave me!

OK. So here's the story. I came home from work yesterday and Zoey did not greet me at the door like she normally does. Normally, she's all over me before I can get all the way in the door. So, I look around the apartment...nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I realize that the screen on the back window is ripped to shreds. I had left my windows open because is was so nice out. A friend of mine always told me to leave my back windows open as opposed to my front ones because the back of my apartment is the second floor. Well, I had left for bootcamp yesterday morning around 5:15am, went straight to work from there, then worked out, and got home a little before 5pm. I guess that might have been a little too long to leave her out. Well, when I couldn't find Zoey in the house, I really started to freak out. I started crying becuase I thought she probably fell out the window and was hurt somewhere. I called my mom completely hysterical as I ran around my building. No sign of Zoey. Then, I hopped in the car and drove around the complex thinking in my head that she probably ran away. My complex isn't completely fenced in. The back is open to the woods-and the train tracks. Well, I found the dumb dog in the back of the complex, just running around in a field between buildings! I ran out of the car and yelled at her, the second she saw me her ears went back! She so KNOWS she was a little punk. I got her in the car and took her home. I felt her over a couple times, looking for cuts, bruised, broken bones, etc and she didn't seem like anything hurt her and she doesn't have a scratch on her. Is is seriously possible that she went through the window and is perfectly ok?!?!?!? I called my mom back in shock, and my mom just laughed hysterically at me! I can't believe it. I honestly can't believe. I have the weirdest dog EVER. Honestly, HOW NUTS IS THAT?!? I am still in shock!

Does anyone else have a dog that crazy?!

Breathe

Holding me in/you won't let me come out
So close that I can't/even speak out loud
You won't come back down/from your cloud
so I stand in the shadow
And

Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
so suffocated/overprotected
you say "it's complicated/
I leave/just let me breathe

I need to feel/the air around me
Let go of my hand/I'll cross alone
You don't want to let wind sweep
you away from the sun/
So I stand in the rain/And

Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
so suffocated/overprotected
you say "it's complicated"/
I leave/just let me breathe

You try to keep/my feet on the ground
I'm tired of you/keeping me bound
I don't understand why
you won't let me fly/
(but) But I can get by/
When you just let me breathe

Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
so suffocated/overprotected
you say "it's complicated/
I leave/I'm gone
I left/you're alone
I breathe/on my own

Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
Breathe in/breathe out
so suffocated/overprotected
It's not that complicated
I leave/I'm gone
I left/you're alone
I breathe/on my own
Just let me breathe

BOOT CAMP!

BOOT CAMP started today! Kristy and I had a good time! Our 'campers' are going to be a lot of fun. I can see this becoming a big success! Already we have requests to add additional classes, and it looks like it will only be a few weeks before we need to add a night class! Which is perfect timing with Gordian. Oh, if only it becomes big enough for Kristy and I to leave Gordian! :) But, man, did it feel nice to be back in to the swing of getting up before the sun and getting moving outside! I miss that from Fitness Together! I have forgotten how much I like training and helping people learn ways to improve their health and fitness. I love that over the past month I have stepped it up and taken the actions to get back into good shape again. I forgot how great I feel when I workout all the time! I am excited to share this with the campers and I hope that my enthusiasim rubs off on them! (If only I had the same discipline with my marathon training as I do my other workouts! Haha. And the love/hate relationship with running continues.)

UK BASKETBALL

So so so sad. I never thought I'd see the day where we are in the NIT. I can't believe that the other two schools I attended, WKU and CSU Northridge, made it to the NCAA tournament and UK didn't. What a dark March Madness this year. It's sad when our football team is better than our basketball team! AH! What is the world coming to?!

Loss

I feel a great sense of loss today. My heart is totally crushed. I had it out with someone very close to me over the weekend, and it came down to a decision of us no longer speaking...for weeks, months...possibly forever. My ex and I have been separated for 3 months...but at the same time, we would go a few weeks without talking and then we would start hanging out again. Then, we would decide we needed more time to enter the 'friendship' zone. So, we'd go another few weeks, and then try again. It wasn't working-being just friends, that is. UGH! How can something that feels so good and so right be so wrong!? So, this weekend...it came down to him cutting me out. No calls, no emails...nothing. This is someone I carry dear to my heart and was a best friend for a while now. How do you care about someone so much one day, and then the next they decide you're not only not worthy of being with them, but not even worthy of their friendship or being in their life? Or how can someone that said they care about you turn around and say, "I don't even want to know about you, your life, or care about what you do anymore..."

Why do people have to hurt eachother so badly? What makes it go away? Why can't people just say what they mean?! And mean what they say!? Instead of playing these games. Hurting others with words they don't mean and pushing down feelings instead of acting on them.

I have so much to say to this person...but they don't listen. And nothing changes their mind. So, now what?

How am I supposed to just forget? Is that possible?!

I blew it. I know I did. I pushed. I pushed him instead of giving him space, and I overwhelmed him. I want to make my mistakes right! I want to fix it. I know that at this point, I need to turn to God and trust that he will take care of me. I haven't been very close in my relationship with him for a while, and now I realize how much I need to put my life in his hands. Only He can guide me and show me the plan he has laid out for me. But when your head and your heart are in a conflict, how can you just trust that God will make everything ok? I want to believe with all my heart. I want to! I need to! But I'm struggling...

It's the strangest thing.
I'm not like this...
to come into one so soon
so quick.
One swift leap
and I am here
falling...
for someone
I didn't want before.
Others warn of foul play
Cruel intentions, they might say.
Confused and gray.
I don't fall like this
Talk like this
Act like this!
But beauty in someone new
is finding a side of you
brought out by them
That without,
you'd never know.
And now I know,
I can fall like this.

tag it!
I Am: a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a soon-to-be student again, and a clumsy musician.
I Have: everything I need to make it by in life
I Think: Always. All the time. I over think. My mind wanders constantly. I wish I could record my thoughts and let someone else in on what goes on up there!
I Know: What I want. I also know what I don't want!
I Dislike: Ignorance, grudges, and hatred.
I Miss: My family, my LA and UK friends, and someone dear to my heart that is no longer in my life the way I wish they were.
I Fear: Failure. I am scared horribly to ever fail. And spiders...I fear them greatly!
I Feel: Loved. Blessed. Happy, yet driven to accomplish more.
I Want: Peace of mind. Peace of heart.
I Smell: I smell? I love the smell right after it's rained.
I Crave: More knowledge. More time outside.
I Cry: Sometimes.
I Usually: Am thinking about how to reach my dreams.
I Search: For knowledge, wisdom, meaning, love.
I Wonder: What path to take.
I Care: So much about the people in my life.
I Love: My friends, my family, my dog. And snow, any water, and laughing!
I Regret: Not savoring every min in high school, college, or in LA.
I Always: Want to do what I can to help others.
I Worry: That I won't accomplish everything I want to.
I Am Not: Loving my current job-but I'm working on new ones!
I Remember: How being with all my family made me feel a happiness I haven't experienced elsewehere.
I Dance: All the time! It is fun, eventhough I look crazy doing it!
I Don't Always: Shut up when I should or say the right thing.
I Write: All the time. I journal. I write stories, poems, thoughts, dreams. I believe that writing is a wonder and a splendor all in its own.
I Win: hum...I once won a tiger stuffed animal at a fair! That might be the only thing, EVER!
I Wish: Everyone could treat others with love and respect at all times. I wish people would realize what they have, when they have it-not just after it's gone.
I Argue: When I should listen.
I Listen: To understand.
I Lose: My keys. My phone. My shoes.
I Don't Understand: Why some people close off when they should open up.
I Can Usually Be Found: At home, at the gym, or at the park!
I Am Scared: That I will never be loved back as much as I love others.
I Need: Love. And dreams to keep my spirit alive!
I Forget: How powerful forgiveness and love can be.
I Am: Grateful. Strong. Happy. Silly!
I Believe: In the good in people and in good intentions.

Now, it's your turn!

When It's Over

When it's over
I see what was really there.
How I could never keep you,
you were never satisfied.
Is there something you tried to say?
I probably just wasn't listening.
I forgot how to love someone,
I missed the beauty of what lied simply within the reach of my outstretched fingertips.
They didn't stretch quite far enough.

I wish for only the best
Now it's over.
I fucked up for the both of us,
It is becoming ever clearer.
Is there something you tried to do?
I probably just didn't see.
I missed the lovliness of what encircled me to
too close touch, too far to push away.
I didn't try to touch this enough.

I wish only to go back
A time and place
so far so gone.
Mistakes of the past,
if they could only change.

It's becoming ever clear
There's something I didn't do.
In the morning,
I didn't touch your face.
In the night
I didn't hold you close.
In the light
I didn't return your smile.
In the darkness,
I let you leave.




I should have stopped you.

SPRING!

I am ready for spring. I can't wait! It was freezing this morning on my way to the gym, and I couldn't help but think about how over winter I am. But hints of spring are starting to pop up everywhere! This week it's supposed to get back into the 60s...it's about time!


I love this time of year! Things start thawing out, and I am coming out of my winter coma. My favorie part of this time of year is that I get to be outside much, much more, which makes me feel good all the time. Not to mention, in the spring time there is always so much going on, and so much to do! Soccer is starts next week! And indoor is going to get started again soon. Then, boot camp classes start mid-March and I'm super excited about that. Working at Gordian has been okay, getting a steady paycheck and all, but I am anxious to get back outside and back into the fitness groove. Teaching this boot camp is the perfect thing for me, with perfect timing! Then, Kristy and I are starting our fitness retreats in April/May, which is a whole new project for us. It's exciting to have something new to focus on and work toward.


Then, in the spring, there is always Keenland to look forward to. As well as Derby, which I am hoping to go to this year with Katie and Liz! Steeplechase is the weekend after derby, and I want to be able to attend this year again after having such a blast last year! It was so much fun and I'm trying to reel in some Lexington friends to come down for it!


And coming up soon in April, Susan is coming in from LA for a week. We are hoping to explore Nashville some more, and even make a quick trip down to Memphis to meet up with her cousin. Then, in April there is also the Country Music Marathon. I pussed out and only signed up for the Half-marathon again. But even so, training for it has been a commitment all over again this year.


Ah, so much is going on! Mom and Dad are looking to move to BG again. I hope they do soon! My friend, Nikki, just got engaged! I'm so excited for her! :) I reconnected with some old friends from high school and college these past few weeks, and it's great to catch up. It's crazy how you can spend so much time away from some people, but then when you are together, it seems like you never missed a beat! I love that feeling!

It just seems like after a really crappy winter and last year having so many bad things happening, that this year is really looking up. And I'm thrilled! :)


The only downer lately, is that recently, someone very important to me and close to my heart walked out of my life. This person and I had some struggles for a few months, running in circles, and decided to part ways. Unfortunately, it was more their decision than mine. Sadly, I miss this person more than I thought I would or care to admit. It just goes to show that you can't always get what you want. Needless to say, I have been greatly struggling with the loss of this person and having a hard time dealing with the hurt from our situation. I am hoping that this spring, I can turn over a new leaf and work through this situation. I would love for all to be forgiven and I hope someday this person will choose to walk back into my life. Maybe that's just my spring hope in the sunshine. :)

But spring can reveal lots of suprises...so only time will tell! :)

What has always seemed so far away,

is now close enough to touch

Outstretched fingertips, hands aching,

Yet I am unable to grasp and pull close.

Cloudy waters caused my eyes to glaze over,

shielding them from the obvious.

Ways to retrieve dreams are blocked

by my own visions.

Pain increases by the day

fingertips burning, nails clawing

Both dissipating through what is clearly there.

How sad is it,

when a capable human

Does not realize what it is capable of?

"If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if i treat you as though you are all of what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

I heard this today, and it make an odd sense to me. We always talk about accepting people for as they are. But what if we don't want to settle for that?

Take for example, you know someone in your life that doesn't live up to their full potential- as a friend, as a partner, in their job, in their talents, in any way. Do we keep our mouths shut, and take it just as accepting them for as they are? Is that okay? Or should we should treat them on the consideration that they can be more and expect them to act up to all they are capable of?

For Tiffany

OH CHILD OF MINE

Oh child of mine
Who never was born.
We loved you,
though we never saw you.
Your momma, your sisters, and me.
You were dear to our hearts,
and part of our lives.
You were here,
then suddenly gone.
We miss you so.

~Dad
Jan 21st, 1984

In honor of Tiffany Sue Plano

Now

Everything I understand points a finger toward destruction.
The world today,
teen's hopes washed down the drain.
Children starve while crack dealers of parents waste away.
Money's the only issue.
Life is no longer to be lived,
Life's lived only to die.
It's time to give a damn about the way we live-
Not just how we end.
One day to the next
One step at a time.
Less on the streets,
More hope in my child's eyes.
Pollution of life taken out,
with teachings of better ways.
Apologies and forgiveness
more caring and love.
People must learn to do this themselves,
instead of being spectators.

Puppy Love!

I'm feeling crappy.

Ugh. Being sick sucks! I was fine all day! Work went great, got my hair did, Sam's for the game, a good run... And then with the rain, came the sickness. Boo.

Saturday night at home with Zoey and Sex and the City DVDs! Whoo hoo, how exciting! I used to like Saturday nights in, when it meant spending time with a certain someone. Anyways...BLAH. But Sat night in for being sick isn't any fun!

Although, Zoey is pretty damn cute all curled up on the couch. It's like she knows I don't feel well. There was a dog on Petfinder in Gallatin that is just like puppy Zoey. They would be the perfect puppy friends! It took all my strength all week to not go up to Gallatin and adopt the dog. Zoey would probably hate me if I did that. That would mean something else in my house would get attention! Zoey is the kind of dog that follows me around every minute I'm home. She's my shadow, my buddy! It's crazy how we can get so attached to our pets. Dogs really are a man's best friend! Dogs love their owners. No matter what. No matter how I feel, or what's going on, at the end of the day I go home to see Zoey bouncing off the walls with excitement that I am home. She wants to go outside and go for a walk, or play with the dang chuck-it toy for hours. And she's cute as can be. Then, at night, I go to sleep in my bed, and her on her dog bed. Yet, I wake up in the morning and she's right there-right by my face. And she hogs the bed. It cracks me up! Because I know at night, she waits for me to fall asleep and then creeps up on my bed. Little shithead. If only people could learn how to love as unconditionally as our dogs do! The world would be a much better and happier place! :)

Nite nite!

Break-ups suck.


There's no way around it. I mean, they're not fun in any way, but at least sometimes when you know it's truly for the better, than it just doesn't seem like such a big deal. People sometimes don't work out. Sometimes we just don't fit together, or we grow apart and you just hit that crossroads...and you know it's done. And sometimes people change their mind about what they want in life, and I get that. I do it all the time! Every new bend and twist in life brings about new challenges, new friends, new activities...and I've always been someone who's up for a new adventure. Hell, moving back and forth from LA, and school, and now Nashville has all just been because I love that sense of adventure and the thought of a new place with new faces and new things always appeals to me. But, what happens when a break up actually gets to you? Or in this case, actually gets to me?

And, I've never been so torn up by a break-up before. Why does this one bother me so much? Why do I feel like I lost something big here? I'm still trying to figure that part out...

Did I let someone in too far? In too deep? Maybe I got in over my head, and I'm struggling to get out. It's just all confusing to me.

My heart and my head are disagreeing right now. My head knows, this is smart, this is best, and distance and time will heal the pain and sadness and better days are ahead. My head also knows that for us to have any chance of anything in the future, this needs to happen NOW. But my heart is fighting my head to all end. My heart...my heart tells me that it's wrong not to see you. My heart tugs on me to call you, talk to you, to see you. It's hard! I want to take you in my arms, and kiss you, and hold you, fall asleep in your arms again. UGH!

And I'm mad at myself. But I shouldn't be. I let someone in, and that made me vulnerable. Becasue if I had never let you in, than you couldn't hurt me. But I did...and I got hurt. So now what? Am I supposed to let go and just act like it all meant nothing? Because I can't do that. Do I hope that someday things will work out? I don't want to have false hope. I do know, that I would love for us to move past this, and someday reconnect-as friends, or as more-that I don't know yet. But what I do know, is that watching you walk away from me and our life together hurt me more than I ever thought I could even possibly hurt.

So, at the end of the day...what was it all for? Was it worth it? If letting someone in, and loving someone ends up with pain in the end, than why bother? If you can spend so much time with one person, love them, become best friends, lean on one another, trust one another, have more fun together than with anyone else, share so much of your lives together, care so much, and still end up losing it all one day, than I can't help but wonder...

...is it all worth it?

On the piano...

There's a place/That I go/When I just want to be alone
When I need to get away/When I had a long, hard day

There's a place/Where I dream/Where everything's not as it seems
When I'm tiered of all the lies/And feel that sadness deep inside
I go...

Hide my face/So no one can see the tears
All the pain felt through the years
I try to be so strong/Sometimes I just can't hold on

There's a place/Where I turn/When I feel so insecure
In this world I've built these walls/They're shaking, trying not to fall

There's a place/Where I scream/Though no one can hear me
Finally, breaking down inside/feeling a part of me has died

I go...

Hide my face/so no one can see the tears
All the pain felt through the years
I try to be so strong/Sometimes I just can't hold on
I go/hide my face/so no one can see the tears
All this pain felt through the years
Sometimes I'm just not that strong/And I just can't hold on.

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to just crawl in to bed and wish life would go away?

Well, I have.
I've been in that place for over a year, wondering if this is where my dreams led.
I just want to move on and get out of here.

I don't hate who I've become, but it's not who I thought I'd be.

But is it because of you?
Or is it because of me?

It scares me.
My plans haven't worked so far.
Now what?

Pull the sheets over my head and pray again for it to go away.

I need another holiday.

It's been so long/oh uh ohhh/Since I saw your pretty face

And I know/oh uh ohhh/That you had to leave this place

Oh, the place inside your heart that you'd found/

That was only full when I was around/

I got caught up/You were caught down

I play it all in my head/over and over again...

Around and around/Time after time

Not a day goes by/Without wishing you were

Mine, Mine, Mine/Still mine/uh ohhh

The way I feel/oh uh ohhh/I know will never go away

All the pain inside/oh uh ohhh/Why was it so hard for me to say

That I'd been in love with you for so long

Many things I did were all so wrong/

I fell so deep, but now you are gone/

I play is all in my head/over and over again...

Around and around/Time after time

Not a day goes by/Without wishing you were

Mine, mine, mine/Still mine/uh ohhh

All the things we said but did not mean/

Why can't we say sorry and just come clean/

Put the past behind and start brand new/

I'm not myself when I'm without you/

We are just to good to not be together/

My heart is yours, forever and ever...

Around and around/Time after time

Not a day goes by/Without wishing you were

(mine)

I play it all in my head/over and over again/

(over and over)

Around and around/Time after time

Not a day goes by/Without wishing you were

Mine, mine, mine/Still mine/All mine/oh uh ohhh...

yeah