Play safe...

I am the expert at playing it safe.

Don't get me wrong. I have taken risks in my life. Big ones. But they have been few and far between. I moved to LA. I moved back to Lexington to finish school. I moved back to LA. I moved to Nashville. But in school, I stayed on track with something I just happened to be good at instead of with something I was passionate about. But I have this nagging feeling inside of me. A lot of the time. Much more than I'd like to admit. It's always there... The feeling that I haven't taken enough risks.

When is something worth the risk? If you get what you want?! Then, it definitely seems worth it. On the other hand, sometimes what we think we wanted turns out completely different than we thought it would be, and we realize we truly wanted something else. Or, is a risk worth it when you don't get what you want, but you learn something else about yourself? Or is that just failure in disguise? Or is the risk always worth it?

"If you don't take risks, you'll end up a wasted soul." ~Drew Barrymore

Ok, Ok. Celebrity quotes are lame. I know. I'm a little ashamed to even post that. But this one struck a chord with me.

Sometimes, I feel like I was meant for something more. Sometimes, I feel like I know exactly what step I'm supposed to take next, where I'm supposed to end up, what adventures I'm to take, who I'm supposed to end up with, and what shape my life is to take. Yet, there are so many risks involved to end up on this path. To take that next step I feel is right for me, is huge. It's a huge change, a huge risk and a chance for failing miserably. It's a move, a big move, where I'd have to make a new life for myself. Or to take another step and stay here. That's a risk as well. I'd be missing out on a huge opportunity elsewhere, but at the same time there is something here that I have had dreams about since I was a little kid. So, would moving away mean I would be risking never reaching that dream?

How do we know before we jump if the fall is worth it or not? Sometimes we will have a smooth sailing ride with soft landing. Other times, we will crash and burn. Hardcore. So, before we jump, we weigh our options, try to look at outcomes objectively, and then decide if the fall will be worth it? Or even after arguing both sides, do we really have a chance of predicting our landing? Is it better to make the decision in the moment and pray for the best?

With not working right now, I feel like in some ways I have many more options than I have every had before. I can move. I can find a new job in a different field. I can go back to school without feeling nearly as guilty about leaving work. I can take my life in a totally different direction. But there is a certain amount of risk involved in all of those choices. They all mean leaving things, people, places behind. Is that worth the risk?