ew ew ew.

So, I wrote Missy this morning about my night last night. She thought my story was hilarious and entertaining despite my fear and troubles. Thought I would just pass it on to you all, to bring a smile to your face, and remind you why you should be glad you are not me. :)



A horrible thing happened last night.

I went to bed. I couldn't sleep, and got up to pee. There was something dark on my bathroom floor-I turn the light on. It's a spider bigger than a quarter. OH NO. So, you know me, I'm freaking out. I hate spiders. With a passion. A daddy long leg can on the floor can have me up on the counter, screaming in terror. My friends and family have found this hilarious throughout the years. But mom bought me this HUGE thing of bug killer with a gun on it that you can shoot a bug with from a mile away. So, I go and get it, and put my tennis shoes on. I'm in my underwear and a tank top, so this is a funny sight as is. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in this ridiculous outfit with my frazzled night hair-it's wasn't pretty. It's midnight-remember this. I get back in the bathroom. Even Zoey won't go near this spider. Normally, she chases them and tries to eat them. Weirdo. Why would anything willingly chase a spider?! Anyways, I'm even more freaked because not even Zoey wants to approach this monster. So, I get a safe distance away, plant my feet, take aim, get ready and FIRE!!! I spray the FUCK out of this spider. I mean, this amount of chemical should have killed anything! And to my HORROR, it's a mommy spider. Tons of little freakin creeeeeeepy baby spiders start crawling all over my bathroom floor! TONS OF THEM. And I swear to you, they could smell my fear. I almost fainted I was so freaked out. It was a scene of out a horror film to me. I had tears streaming down my face, and I was screaming at them like a deranged psychopath-"Die fuckers!!! DIE ALL OF YOU! Creepy little bastards!!!!!" After what felt like an hour, I thought I got them all, and I stopped spraying. Then, some of them started to crawl again. So, I fired back up my chemical gun and sprayed again! I eventually sprayed so much of the bug killer that there was puddle covering my entire bathroom floor. I just stood there in a sea of floating spiders. EW. I then had to mop up the whole floor with what seemed like a billion dead spider on it. UGH. Grossesst thing ever! (It still gives me the creeps.) I carefully cleaned it all up (I used about a roll and a half of paper towels)...I had to have it set up perfectly to where my hand never touched one of those little 8 legged bastards...there had to be plenty of towel in between the gross crawler and my hand! Once it was all disposed of and out of my house, I showered. Exhausted, I then, I tried to go back to bed. It's after 1am at this point. I have to be up at 5:30am. Needless to say, however, I was too freaked to sleep. Anytime I shut my eyes, I thought something was crawling on me and I would flail around in my bed!!! Then, I would lay there, and think that any dark spot in my room or any shadow was the spider's family coming for me to get their revenge. Irritated and completely freaked out, I turned on my lights, grabbed my TV, and the movie 27 dresses. I put the movie in thinking it would calm me down enough so I could sleep. Nope. I watched the movie. Twice. Wide awake. Since at this time it was almost 6am anyway, I just got up, showered again, and got ready for work. It sucks because I have a 12 hour day today at work and got zero sleep. I still feel like things are crawling all over me, even though I'm just sitting at my desk at work. I wrote my apartment manager a letter about expecting an exterminator to come to my infested apartment!!! I have to say, this incident was NOT good for my already intensely insane arachnophobia. BLAHHH! Ugh.

Don't ever make children try on clothes in the living room when they are 6 years old while the adults watch the movie Arachnophobia. When they grow up, they will end up like me. I blame you, mom!!! :)

I make mistakes.
I know this, believe me.
And you point them out to me.
But you,
You make mistakes, too.
And I understand.
I'm not perfect,
-neither are you.
And we're not always perfect together.
The smile that creeps on to my face when you around, though?
Now that's perfect!

irritated...with myself.

i have to say, i do try to learn from my mistakes. but sometimes...i really am just a special kind of idiot.

if anyone has actually read this blog, they would know that a few months ago, someone very close to me walked out of life. you know how they say that when one door closes, another one opens? this is very true!

after all that happened, someone from my past reached out to me. i have cared about this person for years, and it was amazing when they popped back in my life. they lifted my heart up, helped me get back on my feet, and really stood by me while i learned how to be myself again. i spent a few weeks with them, and it was the most fun i have had in a really long time! what a great new door that had opened for me!

yet, my dumbass slammed that door shut too. after a few weeks, i made a BIG mistake. this person reached out to me, spilled out their feelings, gave me a chance, and i shut them down. hardcore. after taking some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings, i realized i wanted to take a chance. and once i realized this, i reached out and tried to rectify my mistake. but to them, it no longer mattered. when i slammed that door shut on them, another one opened for them...and they didn't look back to me. not once. :(

i'm so irritated with myself. why can't i ever just go for it? take a chance when it's there in front of me? once again, i hesitated, got scared and let a great opportunity and person slip through the cracks. and i have no one to blame but myself. fucking sucks.

I broke us.

To be honest, I have a pattern. And not a good one...no matter how hard I try not to run, I seem to do it over and over again. I'm doing it now...and no one is stopping me this time.

I BROKE US

I always seem to say the wrong thing
I offend you, and you walk away
A fault, another 'lost one'
Words refuse to become screened in
and blocked from the wind.
I feel like an idiot.
but now I forgot what is was
That I meant to say.
Can't defend my words
out of your or my mouth
Just "a phrase"? Three words really...
no, too many words to say,
or to take away.
They broke me,
and I broke you.
I tore myself away from
the one thing
that meant
everything.




And the worst part is, I love you.

I have a new love. No, not a boyfriend! No, I am reviving my love for John Mayer. I adored him after I saw him at Riverstages years and years ago, before Room for Squares came out. Then, a show in Louisville had me hooked. But then, I have this weird thing, that when someone gets really mainstream and popular, I tend not to like them anymore. Odd? I don't know. So, I wasn't a big fan for a while. But a friend of mine recently introduced me to the John Mayer Trio, and I'm hooked! It's John Mayer, but better! And I'm in love. I listened to it non-stop today. And it's made it a grrrreat day, despite the rain in Ft. Lauderdale! :)

John Mayer Trio, TRY! ...I promise you'll love it!

YOU

If you promise to be gentle and kind
I will work on not pushing you away...but I can't make promises.

You know how I am, you know how I run.
The words you say are everything I want to hear...
...in another time and place, another day.

I'll work with you...if you stand by me.
Patience, to hold on if you can

With a minute to breathe,
I can be my whole self again

You'll see.
You'll be there with me.

:)

lately

It's been a while since I visited! There's been so much going on...Here's a taste.


The past few months have been a whirl wind! First, Whit came down for a while. Then, Missy and Brad were here for a week. The next week Susan and Chris came in from LA. We tripped it out to Memphis, met up with some friends, and explored the craziness of Beale Street. Then, I was off to BG for Easter with the Walkers. Then, there was the CMM. I only did the half, but about mile 10 I ran into an old friend, Ellen, whom I had gone through sorority rush with at UK! Crazy enough, we ran for a bit together, catching up. So random!

Then it was off to Louisville for Derby. The Kentucky derby was an experience! I loved it and I am already planning on going back next year. It was great seeing the 127B girls again, and there was the nice surprise of Boo$ and the ATL crowd all being there as well. :) Reunion reunion! After Derby is back to Nash for a bit, but then I turned around, and left to meet a friend in Atlanta to head down to Florida baby! St. George Island was a great retreat. Quiet and empty, it felt like we had our own little beach. And Zoey and Zabba were enough free entertainment to keep us occupied.

Leaving FL was hard, but this past weekend showed me it's nice to be home! Friends from Louisville and Atlanta collided again at my house and the weekend was Crrrrazy! :) Now, a few days of work, then off to ATL again for Memorial day. Awesomeness.

It's insane how once on thing starts to come together, everything else just falls into place. I feel like that's what the past 2 months have been. It just goes to show, that sometimes, things HAVE to fall apart in order to come back together. And I'm doing it. Better than I imagined! :)

Next week: ATL
30th: Muddy Buddy/Leave for FT Lauderdale with BGHS
6/6: Back to reality, but Coldplay will keep me rocking!