ew ew ew.

So, I wrote Missy this morning about my night last night. She thought my story was hilarious and entertaining despite my fear and troubles. Thought I would just pass it on to you all, to bring a smile to your face, and remind you why you should be glad you are not me. :)



A horrible thing happened last night.

I went to bed. I couldn't sleep, and got up to pee. There was something dark on my bathroom floor-I turn the light on. It's a spider bigger than a quarter. OH NO. So, you know me, I'm freaking out. I hate spiders. With a passion. A daddy long leg can on the floor can have me up on the counter, screaming in terror. My friends and family have found this hilarious throughout the years. But mom bought me this HUGE thing of bug killer with a gun on it that you can shoot a bug with from a mile away. So, I go and get it, and put my tennis shoes on. I'm in my underwear and a tank top, so this is a funny sight as is. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in this ridiculous outfit with my frazzled night hair-it's wasn't pretty. It's midnight-remember this. I get back in the bathroom. Even Zoey won't go near this spider. Normally, she chases them and tries to eat them. Weirdo. Why would anything willingly chase a spider?! Anyways, I'm even more freaked because not even Zoey wants to approach this monster. So, I get a safe distance away, plant my feet, take aim, get ready and FIRE!!! I spray the FUCK out of this spider. I mean, this amount of chemical should have killed anything! And to my HORROR, it's a mommy spider. Tons of little freakin creeeeeeepy baby spiders start crawling all over my bathroom floor! TONS OF THEM. And I swear to you, they could smell my fear. I almost fainted I was so freaked out. It was a scene of out a horror film to me. I had tears streaming down my face, and I was screaming at them like a deranged psychopath-"Die fuckers!!! DIE ALL OF YOU! Creepy little bastards!!!!!" After what felt like an hour, I thought I got them all, and I stopped spraying. Then, some of them started to crawl again. So, I fired back up my chemical gun and sprayed again! I eventually sprayed so much of the bug killer that there was puddle covering my entire bathroom floor. I just stood there in a sea of floating spiders. EW. I then had to mop up the whole floor with what seemed like a billion dead spider on it. UGH. Grossesst thing ever! (It still gives me the creeps.) I carefully cleaned it all up (I used about a roll and a half of paper towels)...I had to have it set up perfectly to where my hand never touched one of those little 8 legged bastards...there had to be plenty of towel in between the gross crawler and my hand! Once it was all disposed of and out of my house, I showered. Exhausted, I then, I tried to go back to bed. It's after 1am at this point. I have to be up at 5:30am. Needless to say, however, I was too freaked to sleep. Anytime I shut my eyes, I thought something was crawling on me and I would flail around in my bed!!! Then, I would lay there, and think that any dark spot in my room or any shadow was the spider's family coming for me to get their revenge. Irritated and completely freaked out, I turned on my lights, grabbed my TV, and the movie 27 dresses. I put the movie in thinking it would calm me down enough so I could sleep. Nope. I watched the movie. Twice. Wide awake. Since at this time it was almost 6am anyway, I just got up, showered again, and got ready for work. It sucks because I have a 12 hour day today at work and got zero sleep. I still feel like things are crawling all over me, even though I'm just sitting at my desk at work. I wrote my apartment manager a letter about expecting an exterminator to come to my infested apartment!!! I have to say, this incident was NOT good for my already intensely insane arachnophobia. BLAHHH! Ugh.

Don't ever make children try on clothes in the living room when they are 6 years old while the adults watch the movie Arachnophobia. When they grow up, they will end up like me. I blame you, mom!!! :)